Imagine you’re at a networking meeting and a pressed suit comes bee-lining for you. They stick out their hand, introduce themselves, and ask what you do. You mention your industry and their eyes light up, a smile spreads across their face. “Really,” they say with excitement, “Tell me more!”
You begin describing your day-to-day; they’re standing with rapt attention as if you’re regaling them with some action packed high-fantasy adventure story. Soon, others wander in and join.
Your new conversation partner introduces you as their “best friend” and “great colleague” even though they’ve known you for all of five minutes. Afterwards, emails come flowing in with gushing praise, offers of endless business opportunities… if you do one small favour for them. It could be in exchange for a plum introduction; perhaps money will change hands. Either way, you expend considerable time and/or effort to give them something they want.
Then, they’re gone.
You’ve become a victim of love bombing.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is characterised by excessive praise and flattery, a desire on the love-bomber to accelerate a new relationship and make the relationship closer than it actually is. Once the love bomber gets what they want, they devalue or discard you. Some may come back again with gaslighting for the “hoover” – to “suck” you back within their orbit and glean even more from you. (More on gaslighting and what it actually means later.)
Love bombing can be seductive, especially for people who are struggling in business or are new to entrepreneurship. As a victim of love bombing, you may feel shame and deny anything happened in the first place to protect yourself from such feelings.
Alfred Adler, the pioneering interpersonal psychologist who broke off from the Freudian school, once said that “all problems are interpersonal relationship problems.” As I (Tom) have argued more than once, business isn’t built on relationships, business is relationships.
Whether it’s platonic, business, or intimate-partner relationships, all types are vulnerable to toxic or “Dark Triad” behaviours such as love bombing or gaslighting.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting derives from the 1944 film Gaslight. It depicts an outwardly polite husband using lies and manipulation to convince his heiress wife she is mentally ill so he can then steal her fortune. In the film, he would dim the lights fuelled by gas. When she complained, he would insist she was imagining things, causing her to question her mental state.
Gaslighting also happens in business. Corporate gaslighting, as it’s known, is perpetrated by employers to cause employees to doubt their perceptions, memories, or sanity. For example, a boss may tell a dissatisfied employee that if they stick out the next few months of long hours they’ll be handed a promotion. When it’s due, the employer will deny any such offer – or worse, shame the employee by insisting their pay is more than adequate and they should be grateful they have such a position at all.
A common form of gaslighting in small business is a verbal agreement by a prospect to begin some work and have them later insist it never happened; or the old chestnut of clients saying “we’ve paid your invoice” without money showing up in your bank account or any proof of remittance time and time again.
One thing we need to stress is that one-off instances of underhanded persuasion does not constitute gaslighting, despite what pop psychologists on social media might say. Gaslighting is a sustained, long-term pattern of behaviour that aims to “chip away” at your mental health and perceptions.
Emotional Intelligence and Resilience Against Toxic Behaviours (in networking, and in life)
Emotional intelligence is your first line of defence against love bombing and gaslighting in business networks.
When you can identify and name your own feelings including excitement at praise or confusion at mixed signals you stop automatic, reactive behaviour and arguably destructive behaviours…and create space to evaluate the other person’s motives.
A heightened sense of awareness and self regulation to physiological cues (racing heart, flushed face, sudden eagerness) that often accompany love-bombing helps you to pause before committing time, favours, or access to contacts or clients.
That pause will also help you verify claims, check references and keep boundaries intact instead of being swept away by the emotional momentum of flattery.
Empathy and social awareness help you read other people’s intent without becoming enmeshed in it. Instead of reciprocating exaggerated praise, ask clarifying questions: “How do you see us working together long-term?” or “Who else have you partnered with on this?”
These kinds of questions shift the focus from ‘affect to effect’ or facts, expose inconsistencies, and make it harder for a manipulator to maintain a false narrative. Assertive communication with succinct responses, explicit timelines and written agreements will translate emotional insight into practical protections that reduce the chance of later gaslighting should the manipulator begin to rewrite history.
Building resilience is a practical, trainable process. Start by documenting interactions (emails, meeting notes, contracts) so your recollection is supported by evidence. Also implement a short cooling-off ritual for yourself before accepting favours or introductions and cultivate accountability from a mentor, colleague, or legal advisor who can give objective feedback when a relationship feels too good to be true.
Regularly reflect on boundary violations and update what you’ll give, to whom, and under what conditions…your personal policies.
Over time, combining emotional intelligence with these practices will turn vulnerability into a strategic advantage, where you remain open and connected without forfeiting your autonomy or business integrity.
“There is no such thing as Doctor Heal Thyself”
Remember: these are our un-controlled observations and keep in mind that we’re not perfect either. We may have – knowingly or unconsciously – gaslit or lovebombed people in certain situations ourselves. However with consciousness comes a chance to course-correct: to do our best to not repeat the maladaptive behaviours we’ve described.
As we’ve said, resilience can be trained up like a muscle, though we can expect relapses and failures. It’s all part of the process.
Tom Valcanis is a conversion specialist and copywriter at I Sell Words. He also co-founded the NMMNG Support Group for men with mental health issues in 2010, which is still going strong today.
John Cooksey is a psychologist who has spent most of his career working at the intersection of business, psychology and performance. Founder of Confident Performance Psychology he is also a martial arts instructor and passionate member of a community choir.